January 23, 2009
Number One on that list definitely has to be losing my delusional friend's book contest--considering the fact that she totally won my original hand drawn masterpiece contest! I thought the policy with concurrent contests was reciprocal awarding of the prize. GUESS I UNDERESTIMATED OUR FRIENDSHIP.

Nukber--rather, Number Two [I have no clue by "nukber" came out the first time, but I'm leaving it] would have to be the Oscar nominations this year. Now, I'm an ardent lover of the Academy, and I watch the show every year, but it's a lot more fun when the black sheep wiggle their way out of the woodwork rather than four or five movies sweeping all the categories. Last year, for instance, along with There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men, movies like Juno, Gone Baby Gone, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, and Atonement. I guess there are a couple like that this year, but it looks like it'll be a night of homosexual dairy products and basmati game show sensations.

But, if we put aside my anticipatory disappointment for a moment, I feel it's time for another COMPLETELY FICTITIOUS BATTLE! This week's competitors: Father Flynn from Doubt vs. The Joker from The Dark Knight [which isn't so far-fetched, since both Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Heath Ledger are up for Best Supporting Actor]!

Competitor #1: Father Flynn


Background: A parish-hopping priest, Father Flynn wishes to bring the rather Dark Ages-esque Saint Nicholas' Church School to a happier friendlier place with regard to student-teacher relations. Regardless of what you're thinking I meant by that statement, I simply mean that he wants there to be less fear of authority [more specifically, Sister Aloysius] and more openness. However, as perusual when you get friendly priests involved, doubt begins to creep into the hearts of a couple of nuns regarding Father Flynn's actions. So, is he a paternal priest or a low-Christology creeper? You decide!

Special Powers: Persuasive oration--that man can PREACH from the puplit. Rosary whip. Slam dunking--he doubles as a basketball coach. Oh, and lying.

Weaknesses: After-hours drinking with other priests. Making fun of nuns. Oh, and lying.

Competitor #2: The Joker


Background: While no one is exactly sure why his face is so jacked-up, The Joker is certainly one that you'd think would be hard to miss in a crowd. Not so. This criminal mastermind works within a vast network of criminals under various guises, making him practically invisibile to the Gotham City Police Force. While he does a number of jobs to mess with the authorities and show his rather diabolical joketry, his main aim is to engage in a huge game of chicken with Batman: if Batman can't stop the Joker, thousands will die. But, if he does bring him down, he'll be destroying one of the greatest villians in history. You'd think that would be an easier choice to make...

Special Powers: He's a criminal mastermind, for starters. His methods of breaking the law are innovative and frightening. He's a master of disguise. Plus, he's a riot at parties...

Weaknesses: Fashion. Hygiene. Being a good citizen. He basically fails at all three.

The Battle: What I'm envisioning would happen would go something like this...

Flynn: My son, you've got to understand that a life of crime will not bring you lasting happiness. I'm sure we can convince you of the glory of God if you'd like to accompany the altar boys and me on a camping trip this weekend!

Joker: Well, Father [if you were my real father, I'd gut you like a fish for cutting up my face], a prance through the woods does sound rather tempting and all, but you see, I've got big plans for this city this weekend, and three days without crime in a city like this would be catastrophic. Plus, you kind of creep me out a little.

Flynn: Why on Earth would I, an upstanding yet progressive, man of God frighten you?

Joker: That sparkle in your eye when you mentioned the altar boys--

Flynn: What are you saying?! Have you been talking to anyone!? THERE IS A SYSTEM THAT MUST BE FOLLOWED, SIR! YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ANYONE!

Joker: Who said I talked to anyone? It was written all over your face--speaking of which, you look like you could use a smile.

Flynn: You keep that away from me! I've done nothing wrong! You hear me?! ACCCCK!

At this point, Flynn would have a permanent smile on this face--because the Joker is just such a funny guy [if you haven't seen The Dark Knight, I'm not expounding on this any further]!

The Victor: The Joker, hands down. While both are villains, The Joker is straight up crazy. Father Flynn is a bad guy, but being part of Catholic hierarchy doesn't mean he could take down an entire city BY HIMSELF. Preacher boy wouldn't stand a chance.

That being said, I hope you save February 22nd for Oscar Night! I know I will--by the way, we will be hosting an Oscar party that night if you're interested in coming! Just email me and I can shoot you the details.

posted by Gwennifer at 9:53 AM |



4 Comments:

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Abby said........
Hooray, I won! Now I have to think of something I want a picture of. Wait, are you good? That makes a difference.

Here's how the whole reciprocity thing goes. Because you bothered to do my quiz, I bothered to do your quiz. See? Had you not bothered with my quiz, I seriously doubt I would have bothered with yours, seeing as how it was hard and all. However, your efforts propelled my own efforts forward as a direct result. See? As for winning, everyone who entered my little contest are dear and lovely friends of mine. I would have been thrilled to have given every one of you a book if I could have afforded to do so; Luck is the enemy in this equation, not me. I still appreciate your efforts just the same.

How about you get your tight-fisted sister to give you the book for your upcoming birthday?

As for pedophile priests and crazy clowns, you need to pick better battles. That was a no-brainer. While the priest has few issues with killing your spirit, he wouldn't have the guts to kill your body. Big difference. That's like pitting Bambi against the Terminator. Sure, Bambi might get in some good kicks, but it's really a no-win situation for him.
 

At 6:21 PM, Blogger Ransom said........
I nominate this entry for some kind of award. "Best portrayal of Heath Ledger portraying the Joker in a fictional blog-battle" ought to do it!
 

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Bonny said........
Dude, Abby, what the heck? (Good idea though.)

And Gen, wow, that was scary. Much darker than your previous battle. I haven't seen either movie, and am not sure I want to. :)
 

At 5:48 PM, Blogger Abby said........
I was going to just call you cheap since you made it clear you would never shell out the $20 for the book on your own (THE BOOK YOUR FRIEND GOT PUBLISHED IN), but "cheap" has a couple of different definitions and I wanted to make sure we all got the right one. Don't deny it. You are cheap.