Now, to begin with, we look at our lone gladiator: Wall-E
Special Powers: Garbage compaction. Killer treads on his "feet". Sweet action dance moves. His disposition gives him great influence over others.
Weaknesses: His reticence to harm other creatures might prevent him from using any of the attacks in his arsenal intentionally. However, he has been known to accidentally destroy EVERYTHING.
Competitor #1: All the toys in Andy's toy box [Toy Story]
Special Powers: Each toy has an innate ability with the nature of his type. For instance, Woody is a devil with a lasso, Buzz has more karate moves than Daniel Laruso and Johnny Lawrence combined [1000 awesome points if you caught the reference], Rex is a DINOSAUR, etc.
Weaknesses: On that same token, these abilities are scaled down about 60 times from actual size--they are toys after all.
The Battle: Wall-E would definitely be outnumbered, giving the edge to the Toys. They could easily surround him and release a barrage of plastic-based fury on his old rusty self. However, what could give Wall-E the leg up would be if he had the home field advantage. Without even really needing to use his cubes, simply producing them might be enough to send the Toys into a phobic coma. For fighters with the chronic fear of being thrown away, what's scarier than an enemy who makes indiscriminate trash cubes? There's be no chance of Andy finding you in one of THOSE garbage heaps! Should that fail, I'm guessing Wall-E would be so flustered that he'd probably roll over most of the Army men, crushing their imaginary dreams of Nam into the filthy Earth soil for good.
The Victor: I'm going with Wall-E on this one. While there are more of the Toys, the robot's tough metal exterior clearly gives him the advantage defensively. However, should Buzz get his hands on a REAL laser one day, then the tables might be turned drastically.
Competitor #2: Flik's entire colony [A Bug's Life]
Special Powers: Mob mentality. Get one into a big enough of a rage, the rest will go crazy and do something outlandish. Flik's ingenuity has spurred the colony to crank out some relatively useful inventions in his time, so defense is definitely high on his priority list. Oh, and there's like a billion ants.
Weaknesses: THEY'RE ANTS. They're very small. Why do you think the grasshoppers were picking on them in the first place? Their leader is an erratic teenage female prone to following her feelings [when has that EVER lead to anything good?] and turning her back on Flik when things take a turn for the worst [sure he's insane, but don't turn your back on genius just because it's disguised with a tutu and a jackhammer]. Many of the colony members are either really ancient or pupal.
The Battle: Wall-E certainly has the size advantage in this one. He'd probably take out at least a quarter of the colony without even realizing it simply by rolling around. However, his best friend is a cockroach, so his affinity for insects might make him cautious about killing them. Because of the sheer mass and mentality of the ants, a swarm on Wall-E wouldn't be difficult. Plus, if the ants had the home field advantage, our garbage man would be too busy freaking out over the plant life to stop an onslaught by the colony. They could easily get inside his terminal and destroy all his computer connections.
The Victor: This round's going to the ants. Their ability to get inside him and do some damage simply can't be denied. If that somehow didn't work, I'm sure Flik could magically build a flamethrower and torch Wall-E into license plates. Either that, or he could just sic that fat caterpillar on him.
Competitor #3: Mike, Sully, and Boo [Monster's Inc.]
Special Powers: Sully is about the size of Yao Ming and The Rock combined, and he can bend large metal objects with his...furry monster hands. Mike's bulbous eye is kind of intimidating. Boo's cuteness is pretty undeniable.
Weaknesses: While both Sully and Mike are monsters, they're pretty harmless. They're kind of like babysitters: they can scream and terrorize you all they want mentally, but what are they really going to do once that stops working [that is NOT my personal philosophy on caring for children, for the record]? Plus, Boo is like three years old. Her motor skills are still developing, for Heaven's sake!
The Battle: While Wall-E does frighten easily, I think that the scare tactics of the monsters are so blatant that he'd soon figure out that they're all bark and no bite. Garbage cubes wouldn't be of much use in response, since they're garbage system works on the same basic idea. Boo would just kind of be chilling, watching the awkward non-fighting while devouring Cheerios and crayons in true toddler fashion.
The Victor: This one would have to be a stalemate. Neither of the parties is really disposed towards violence unless under extreme duress. What would end up happening is Boo would get bored, start crying, then be cheered by the combined dancing of Wall-E and Mike to the melodious tones of Michael Crawford singing "Put on your Sunday Clothes" from Hello Dolly! Sully could bend some metal pipes and a couple of hubcaps into a tricycle, and they'd all play happily together as the sun sets on their freak show playtime.
Competitor #4: Marlin, Dory, Bruce, Crush, and The Fishtank Gang
Special Powers: Marlin has special neurosis that could easily intimidate and/or frighten an enemy into fleeing. Dory's short term memory loss enables her to try a number of different approaches, since she's incapable of getting stuck on a strategy if she forgets it. Bruce is a shark [duh!]. Crush's laidback attitude make everyone realize how pointless anything but swimming is. The Fishtank Gang's eye-on-the-prize-of-escape mentality makes them constantly alert for any possible escape routes should the tide turn against them [no pun intended].
Weaknesses: All of them are either fish or sea dwelling mammals. Leave them out of the water too long, they're done.
The Battle: I imagine there'd be a lot of flopping, gasping, and general mayhem as Wall-E tried to figure out what on Earth these colorful nutbags were. He'd probably be so scared of the commotion that he'd go straight to cube mode until all the madness subsided. In their final moments, Marlin would be demanding the whereabouts of his son while his comrads search futiley for the water they'd never find. However, should the battle take place in the ocean, no question. Wall-E would rust over in like four seconds. All the others would have to keep their space so they weren't fried into a basket of the Long John Silver's special. but once the electricity subsided, they could figure out what to do with an ancient metal cube.
The Victor: Either way, I think the fish would win. Bruce would simply eat Wall-E, which goes along splendidly with his vegetarian diet. The little robot would feel right at home with '95 Honda Bruce polished off for lunch beforehand.
As you can see from what we've discussed, Wall-E isn't much of a fighter. Sure, he's lovable, friendly, dextrous, but he couldn't really hold his own in a fight. Let's just hope his blaster-armed girlfriend doesn't figure out that she's wearing the pants in that relationship...
Be sure to look out for more of these in the future!
