The Realm of the Pachyderm

I have a new entry onto my list of "Things That Make Me Seethe With Hatred": thunderstorms that knock my Internet out for a week. You'd think with wireless Internet that this wouldn't be an issue, but lo and behold [seriously, do it]! Here I sit in the library, tapping away while garnering extremely angry looks from awkward men when I answer my cell phone. No joke, I took a call, this guy cranes his neck around his monitor, stares into my eyes with a look of burning rage, and shakes his head at me! I almost stared back while continuing my conversation, but I was too weirded out to do anything but turn around and whisper that I had to go.

That aside, the only other interesting happenstance of the day was getting pulled over. For the first time in the 20 years I've lived on this Earth, I was pulled over by a police officer. I wasn't speeding, I wasn't ignoring any street signs, I wasn't running over any children. So, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why in the world this man with the shiny Crown Vick would be chasing me down.

"Ma'am, I pulled you over because your tags are expired. I need to see your license and registration?"

Cue me babbling about how the car isn't even mine while I rifle through the glove box, trying desperately to locate the right piece of paper. After handing the man what I thought was the registration three times, I finally found the right one. He walked away, probably convinced that I'm a complete moron, and let me stew in my chagrin for the next couple of minutes. He let me off with a warning and--good news!--didn't refer me to an asylum. The whole encounter was simply precious.

So, what else has been new with me? OH OH OH, I know! We will begin the portion of our program entitled "Working Class Woes!"

Saturday was pretty unbelievable. First of all, the amount of pressure I've been receiving to make "reserves" has been getting ridiculous. "Reserves" [aka Reservations on movies that haven't come out yet] are of vast importance because they supposedly build customer loyalty. Anyway, every employee is supposed to get at least one reserve per shift in order to keep the business away from implosion or some nonsense like that. I think it's a load of drivel, but the management had taken notice of my lack of reserves. Feeling I wasn't trying hard enough, they began to start dropping hints in the form of vague encouragement, veiled threats, and monetary incentives. Yes, on Saturday, Donna came up to me and said that every employee who made a reserve that day would receive $1.

$1. They want me to make one of these stupid reserves SO BADLY that they're willing to take a hit and offer me a dollar.

Feeling the strain of fiscal needs, I actually gave a care for four seconds and told a customer who was looking for Gran Torino that it wouldn't be out until next week.

Confused Man: "Are you sure it didn't come out this week?"

Gwennifer: "No, I'm pretty sure it comes out next week. You can reserve a copy if you'd like, seeing as our supply will be limited when it hits the shelves."

Confused Lady: "No, I don't think so..."

Confused Man: "Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it came out this week."

Gwennifer: ::Flags down a fellow associate:: "Fellow associate, when does Gran Torino come out?"

Fellow Associate: "Why, it comes out on Tuesday! Hey, would you folks like to reserve a copy today! Put down $5 now and save some money when you pick it up!"

No longer confused couple: OF COURSE! WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA!

Needless to say, I was ticked.

Later on that day, I was approached by one of my managers...

Manager: "So, I just got a complaint from a customer that you and Fellow Associate were having a non-FYE related conversation."

Gweniffer: "Yeah...this would be a problem because...?"

She then proceeded to tell me that any conversations not specifically pertaining to work where pretty much prohibited on the sales floor. I figured this policy wouldn't have ANYTHING to do with the fact that Fellow Associate and I were going to see a movie later, since I have non-FYE related conversations with other associates all the time! However, the second people start spreading rumors about two associates dating [it's not true], then everyone starts listening in on your conversations! I just kind of sat there as I listened to the hypocrisy wash over me like a wave on the sand.

Ok, that's enough whining. I'll end this delightsome post with telling you all about my wonderful date to Annapolis this week! I went with my Arizona Friend, Squirrel, to the Naval Academy, since I wanted to go do some indigenously Maryland things before he goes back to Tucson. We got lost for a little while, but we eventually got to the Academy, looked around, then got ice cream and bought Murrland souvenirs. It was super fun, since he's basically the coolest. No jokes.

I've actually been on quite a few dates lately, but in the interest of time and not sounding pompous, I'll end here. Have a beautiful day in the sunshine while it's here!