I received a call from my mom at 8:12 this morning. Between three and four o'clock this morning, my grandma Lorraine died.
It's not as if we didn't expect this. After all, she was 90 years old and had been in declining health for about a decade. We were all pretty amazed she'd made it this long. Her death was a release from the great deal of pain she'd been in since she fell and broke her hip two months ago.
But, that doesn't make it any less sad, you know? I know that she's much happier now than she was living in a painkiller haze and that she's now in the care of Heavenly Father. I know about families being sealed for eternity, but that doesn't take the sadness out of the immediate moment of living. I'll see her again, but she's gone now.
As hard as it is to admit it, the thing I'm most remorseful about is exactly what my mom said I'd be sad about when this happened: wasted opportunities. I went to go see her in the assisted living center, but rarely with a good attitude. I would go once a week, but I could have gone much more. I would stay for 45 minutes, an hour, but I could have stayed two or three. I would talk about myself, but I could have asked so many more questions about her.
Hindsight being 20/20 never quite makes you feel as bad as it does when death is involved.
I know I can't beat myself up. I have to acknowledge the opportunities I did take to spend time with her, to get to know her before she passed away. I won't be languishing over this for long, but in the immediate aftermath, it's just an upsetting reality to come to terms with.
If blogging seemed like an absolutely inappropriate response to the death of a loved one, then I apologize for any ruffled sensibilities that resulted from reading this post. I have a hard time getting my feelings out in spoken words, so I need this written medium to express myself.
Have a nice day, all.
Wow--that worked out crazily well. I think the monumental 100th blog post should land on something equally momentous. In my case, it's the last monumental birthday before I turn 30, so this worked out well. Maybe on my 30th birthday, I'll be to like my 1,000th blog post.
CROSS YOUR FINGERS.
So, technically, my 21st birthday is not yet in full swing. It will officially be partiful at 5 o'clock this afternoon. However, I figured that since my birthday has been marvelous up to this point that I could blog about it anyway.
First and foremost, my dear brother Snootch and his lovely wife had their second baby yesterday! Porter John Busch was born on March 4th, 2010. Ordinarily, I'd also divulge the length and weight of the child in question, but I am currently bereft of these important specifics. However, come tomorrow afternoon, I will be meeting this beautiful baby boy, so I'm not too cut up about not knowing how big the little guy is at present.
Secondly, as of yesterday, my show is over! I didn't blog too extensively about it, but I was in a neofuturist show called "Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind" (aka 15 plays in 30 minutes). The completion of it is both happy and sad, but mostly happy. I've just been so tired and spread thin with rehearsals that it was time for it to be done. However, all the friends I've made and the good times we had with Winthrop the Orange will be dearly missed. Our three performances yesterday went thunderously well--mostly because so many of my friends came to support me. There was mirth, despair, curiosity, confusion, and a couple of obnoxious dorks who thought they were part of the show (they weren't), which somehow justified them talking very loudly the entire time. But, aside from that, I feel like it was received very well. Video soon maybe?
Ok, now we fast forward to my birthday. At midnight, Grandma and I went with some costume shop kiddos to the premiere of "Alice in Wonderland". Despite both of us having early classes today, we decided that birthdays deserve frivolity--that, and we're both sort of old ladies anyway, so we're trying to live up our youth before we really are too old to do anything but stare at the wall. I didn't really go in with any expectations--I knew nothing about it until last night--which is always good because no expectations = no disappointment.
The "Tim Burtonness" of it all was impressive, as per usual. The 3D was done very well and I feel like it added a dimension to the story that may not have come across as strongly in those standard two dimensions (haha, that sounded dumb, but you know that's not how I meant it). The CG was also very good, which made it a lot easier to follow certain characters like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum around. That, and the Jabberwocky was straight up awesome. On the downside, Helena Bonham Carter's disturbingly enhanced noggin detracted considerably from her loveliness, which was sad. However, the commentary made on said huge head was interesting, so I'd be reticent to actually complain.
However, this is where we realize that the dream was too good to be true--I do need to do some complaining. If you don't really want to have the movie spoiled for you, I'd skip down a paragraph. My biggest issue with the film is the lack of character development in Alice. 75% of the movie was her lolling around, refusing to accept that Wonderland was real and that she was playing an integral part in the unfolding of history. However, in one magical moment with the caterpillar (which was the same moment she'd had with the Alan Rickman caterpillar two times earlier in the movie), she suddenly has the "Heroine-Making Turn" and she becomes all confident and assertive, blah blah blah. I realize that this is a common device used in movie plot lines because charting the actual hero's journey is a LOOONG process that 21st audiences simply will not sit through happily. I also realize that under duress, it is possible to call on previously unknown inner strength which can spur you into heroics. But by making this choice, I became confused about which audience is supposed to buy this. This movie is certainly not made for children--lots of eye gouging and scary creatures--yet such moral polarity and rapidity of change in character isn't something that adults will look at and learn things from. Who was Timmy trying to target?
Ok, overthinking complete. The point is, I had a really good time last night and I'm super glad my birthday started off on such a fun note. After rolling into bed at about 2:15, I woke up at 8:15-ish to discover a lovely bright notecard on top of my phone. It bore birthday greetings from Grandma, which was so nice to wake up to. Upon going through my morning routine, I found other such notes from my roommates OP and Rock n' Chop. Needless to say, my morning was made and I'm so glad I get to live with these wonderful girls next year.
But, wait, there's more--when I finally rolled up to class 10 minutes late (I hadn't realized my birthday would be full of lurvely snow), my friend Bananas dropped a parcel onto my desk. It was a bundle of neon notecards bearing birthday greetings from a bunch a people from the ward. I'm not 100% who coordinated this effort, but I was so touched. It's been such a nice buoy throughout this cold and rather bleary Friday (I'm crazy tired).
Tonight, the birthday goodness keeps on coming. I'm going to see "Slumdog Millionaire" in the International Cinema (finally!) with some of my lovely friends, after which there will be a soiree (there should be accent on one of those e-s) involving cake and other birthdaylike things.
Tomorrow, I'm heading up to Roy to see Porter and Co. I can't wait to meet this kid! Then, on Sunday, my neighbor and I are throwing a joint Oscar costume party to commemorate my favorite night of television. I'm going as one of the Na'vi, which isn't racist--blue face is perfectly acceptable, thank you very much.
Alright, this is far longer than necessary, so I'll leave off here. Happy Friday!
CROSS YOUR FINGERS.
So, technically, my 21st birthday is not yet in full swing. It will officially be partiful at 5 o'clock this afternoon. However, I figured that since my birthday has been marvelous up to this point that I could blog about it anyway.
First and foremost, my dear brother Snootch and his lovely wife had their second baby yesterday! Porter John Busch was born on March 4th, 2010. Ordinarily, I'd also divulge the length and weight of the child in question, but I am currently bereft of these important specifics. However, come tomorrow afternoon, I will be meeting this beautiful baby boy, so I'm not too cut up about not knowing how big the little guy is at present.
Secondly, as of yesterday, my show is over! I didn't blog too extensively about it, but I was in a neofuturist show called "Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind" (aka 15 plays in 30 minutes). The completion of it is both happy and sad, but mostly happy. I've just been so tired and spread thin with rehearsals that it was time for it to be done. However, all the friends I've made and the good times we had with Winthrop the Orange will be dearly missed. Our three performances yesterday went thunderously well--mostly because so many of my friends came to support me. There was mirth, despair, curiosity, confusion, and a couple of obnoxious dorks who thought they were part of the show (they weren't), which somehow justified them talking very loudly the entire time. But, aside from that, I feel like it was received very well. Video soon maybe?
Ok, now we fast forward to my birthday. At midnight, Grandma and I went with some costume shop kiddos to the premiere of "Alice in Wonderland". Despite both of us having early classes today, we decided that birthdays deserve frivolity--that, and we're both sort of old ladies anyway, so we're trying to live up our youth before we really are too old to do anything but stare at the wall. I didn't really go in with any expectations--I knew nothing about it until last night--which is always good because no expectations = no disappointment.
The "Tim Burtonness" of it all was impressive, as per usual. The 3D was done very well and I feel like it added a dimension to the story that may not have come across as strongly in those standard two dimensions (haha, that sounded dumb, but you know that's not how I meant it). The CG was also very good, which made it a lot easier to follow certain characters like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum around. That, and the Jabberwocky was straight up awesome. On the downside, Helena Bonham Carter's disturbingly enhanced noggin detracted considerably from her loveliness, which was sad. However, the commentary made on said huge head was interesting, so I'd be reticent to actually complain.
However, this is where we realize that the dream was too good to be true--I do need to do some complaining. If you don't really want to have the movie spoiled for you, I'd skip down a paragraph. My biggest issue with the film is the lack of character development in Alice. 75% of the movie was her lolling around, refusing to accept that Wonderland was real and that she was playing an integral part in the unfolding of history. However, in one magical moment with the caterpillar (which was the same moment she'd had with the Alan Rickman caterpillar two times earlier in the movie), she suddenly has the "Heroine-Making Turn" and she becomes all confident and assertive, blah blah blah. I realize that this is a common device used in movie plot lines because charting the actual hero's journey is a LOOONG process that 21st audiences simply will not sit through happily. I also realize that under duress, it is possible to call on previously unknown inner strength which can spur you into heroics. But by making this choice, I became confused about which audience is supposed to buy this. This movie is certainly not made for children--lots of eye gouging and scary creatures--yet such moral polarity and rapidity of change in character isn't something that adults will look at and learn things from. Who was Timmy trying to target?
Ok, overthinking complete. The point is, I had a really good time last night and I'm super glad my birthday started off on such a fun note. After rolling into bed at about 2:15, I woke up at 8:15-ish to discover a lovely bright notecard on top of my phone. It bore birthday greetings from Grandma, which was so nice to wake up to. Upon going through my morning routine, I found other such notes from my roommates OP and Rock n' Chop. Needless to say, my morning was made and I'm so glad I get to live with these wonderful girls next year.
But, wait, there's more--when I finally rolled up to class 10 minutes late (I hadn't realized my birthday would be full of lurvely snow), my friend Bananas dropped a parcel onto my desk. It was a bundle of neon notecards bearing birthday greetings from a bunch a people from the ward. I'm not 100% who coordinated this effort, but I was so touched. It's been such a nice buoy throughout this cold and rather bleary Friday (I'm crazy tired).
Tonight, the birthday goodness keeps on coming. I'm going to see "Slumdog Millionaire" in the International Cinema (finally!) with some of my lovely friends, after which there will be a soiree (there should be accent on one of those e-s) involving cake and other birthdaylike things.
Tomorrow, I'm heading up to Roy to see Porter and Co. I can't wait to meet this kid! Then, on Sunday, my neighbor and I are throwing a joint Oscar costume party to commemorate my favorite night of television. I'm going as one of the Na'vi, which isn't racist--blue face is perfectly acceptable, thank you very much.
Alright, this is far longer than necessary, so I'll leave off here. Happy Friday!
posted by Gwennifer at 12:42 PM
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